2025: A Year of Forgetting, Not to Be Forgotten
As the year draws to a close, it's like stepping on a rake's handle, reminding me of the past 12 months. A year marked by a profound erosion of trust and a sense that nothing is quite as it seems. We've become accustomed to a diet of lies, distortions, and the ever-present influence of AI. Even I, it seems, am getting dumber by the day.
But here's where it gets interesting: when reflecting on the year, I turn to the cold, hard facts. The statistics paint a unique picture of my 2025.
66.6% - The percentage of adult sons currently residing under my roof. A sharp increase from the 0% of last year, and a surprising reversal of the typical trend of offspring migration.
27 - The number of books I've read this year. I started keeping track, not for show, but because I realized I couldn't recall any details about the books I'd recently read. Titles, authors - all a blur. After writing about this dilemma, a suggestion to keep a list seemed like a good idea. Compiling this list was an adventure, involving online order histories and trying to remember if I finished Moby Dick in 2025 or not.
The total is not final; I might just finish another book before the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve. But don't ask me its name!
14 - The times I told my one and only joke of 2025, leaving my audience utterly confused. The reason? It requires a willing participant, and most people I know aren't keen. Here's the joke:
Me: "You know, they said I'd really like that spreadable Calabrian sausage, nduja.
Comic Foil: "Nduja?"
Me: "I can take it or leave it."
I've retired this joke, as it seems few people know of nduja and even fewer know it's pronounced like "and do ya?"
However, dozens claim the J is pronounced with a soft "zh" in Calabria, rendering my joke invalid. I know this because they all emailed me!
3.5 hours - The time I spent watching Steve Roofer's YouTube channel out of the 8,760 hours in 2025. Steve showcases the many ways flat roofs can fail, and his channel was recommended by my roofer, Mike. I guess he thought it would be comforting to see others' roof woes. And it was!
2 - The number of people delighted to be mentioned in this column. A rare occurrence, but a couple sent a thank-you card, even though they were only unnamed lunch guests who didn't show up (we invited them to dinner instead!).
1 - The person furious for not being mentioned. My wife, plotting to eject me from book club, was central to the story, so I mentioned her. I also mentioned Sasha (for her disparaging remarks), Emma (for her defense), Suzy (whose house hosted book club), and even Fran (for no apparent reason). But I forgot Nicola, and now she's livid. My prediction for 2026? A new book club for me.
Happy New Year, and may your statistics be as intriguing as mine!
